How to Kill a River and Its Springs: A Textbook Case

Ignore the part of your state’s constitution that mandates preservation and protection of its natural resources.

Wait 42 years before trying to determine how much water the river and springs actually need to stay healthy.

When making decisions about water use permits, use water models that are completely wrong for the environment in which those permits will be issued.

Once permits are issued, don’t include in those permits information about the maximum water use allowed; instead, bury that information in a supplemental document.

Once permits are issued, don’t monitor water use because if you do, then you might have to enforce some rules.

When you finally get around to trying to set minimum flows and levels (MFLs) for the river and the springs, use cherry-picked data to make sure that big water users won’t have to change their behavior. Instead, tell householders to cut back on watering their lawns.

In fact, never tell big permit holders that they are going to have to change how they’re using water. Instead, let them write rule language for you and be glad their lawyers show up in court to help you out when your actions are challenged. You can even let those lawyers run the show in the courtroom!

When landowners want big new water permits even though they admit they only want them so they can sell their land at higher prices, issue those permits anyway. Don’t worry about opening the floodgates for big new water permits. Florida has plenty of water, right? People and permits aren’t the problems; all our rivers need is a little more rain.

Find ways to avoid taking any action to save the river and its springs, even though that silly state mandate to preserve and protect natural resources is still a nagging thought there in the back of your mind.